With half my attention on
my brother’s recovery, and the other half on J and T, my new niece and
half-sister, my mind’s in two completely different places at once, and it’s exhausting.
The truth is out, emotions
are running high and it feels wrong for us to keep any more secrets. It goes
without saying that my brother is my top priority and so he deserves to know
what the rest of us have already been wrestling with emotionally. I know he has
a lot to deal with right now, with his recovery, but there’s never a good time,
right? The sooner he knows, the better.
I can’t deny that I feel
guilty asking my parents to redirect their focus off my brother, given how
fragile his condition is. It’s been touch and go for a while now; and every day
brings something unexpected - so how can I not give him my full attention
during such a crucial time too? Ugh, these thoughts have been eating me up
inside, and I can’t help but wonder whether I’m just a bad sister… because I know if it was me who was on that hospital
bed, he would do anything to protect me.
So I’m going to respect Ma
and Pa’s wishes and back off the subject for a while, but Pa being passive has
me worried. What if it’s too late to reconcile with T? They’ve already lived a lifetime apart, and I’d
hate to see them struggle even harder to make up for lost time later on.
It goes without saying it’s
been a stressful week. I feel like I’m being pulled in two different
directions: one by my heart, and the other by my reason. All I really know is
that A, T and J are all my family,
and I hope that one way or another, we can come together.
Xoxo Fru Fru Shru
