So I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to trust someone. I trusted S. I mean, he's a friendly guy with a social life – some girls would be a little intimidated if they were dating him. But it didn't bother me – it doesn't! Well... I don't know. After what happened, I don't know what trust is anymore, something elusive, something out of a movie maybe. You lose it so easily, it just slips through your fingers when you're not looking, and then you're trying your hardest to get it back, but it's just gone.
Maybe it'd be better if P hadn't blown his cover, and I never knew that S had lied to me. You know how some people say ignorance is bliss? Better delighted-and-deluded than disillusioned-and-depressed, right?
What I don’t understand is why S felt he had to lie to me at all. I trusted him, so why didn’t he trust me? I could be overthinking this. S just wanted some time out with his friends, but if he feels guilty about having fun and needed to lie to me about it... then what does that say about me? Plus, I lost my temper when I found out, so maybe he's a little justified in lying.
Argh. Did I turn into a paranoid girlfriend? The kind who insists on knowing everything her boyfriend is doing all the time? Then again, is it really about that? I wouldn’t have to check up on someone if they didn’t lie, right? If there was trust between us. So really, all I wanted is for him to tell me the truth. And maybe that's what I should've said, instead of blowing up like I did.
One thing I’ve learnt is that when you have trust, you feel secure and confident. It’s like doing a trust fall – you don’t question it, but you know you’re in a safe place. Once you lose that trust, you start to question everything. So the key is, don’t lose that trust in the first place…
Girls, relationships are hard! What do you think? What did I do right or wrong, or what should I have done instead? Let me know what you think in the comments! Until next week…
XOXO Fru Shru
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