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| The perfect man? Sigh! |
I’ve been so caught up with
thinking about my failed relationship with S, I never even considered what the
flip side of a break-up means – a chance to meet someone new!
This shift in perspective
has also helped me see my relationship with S from an objective point of view.
All the mistakes, problems and issues we had are now in front of me with so
much more clarity. Rather than feeling down, I’ve been analysing why things
happened the way they did, and trying to learn from it – isn’t that the whole
point anyway? To grow through our relationships?
Sometimes I find myself
filling up with a sense of regret and dread when I look back at what I was
(honestly) like with S. It’s hard to admit, but I tried to be a different
person with him, and I can’t deny I was also hoping that S would change and be
someone he just wasn’t.
This got me thinking that S
and I were just not compatible, and we shouldn’t have been trying to change each
other. When our expectations of each other don’t match, this only leads to
resentment and negative feelings, and that’s when you have to acknowledge that a
relationship is not working out.
But that doesn’t mean
losing someone doesn’t hurt. A LOT. Which is why understanding why it ended is
helping me come to peace with the fact that it’s over.
So, now that I’m looking
ahead, doesn’t it make more sense to seek someone who’s already on the same
page as you? Sure, this might take a while… but at least I won’t be wasting
time and energy on someone who’s just not right for me.
And so, through a painstaking
process of trial and error, the difficult times in my relationship with S have
actually brought to light the qualities I need and value in a partner: loyalty
and empathy, like Ryan Gosling in The
Notebook, courage and resilience, like Ryan Gosling in La La Land, or... okay, am I basically just describing Ryan
Gosling? A girl can dream, right??
I hope that anyone going
through a break-up right now finds some comfort in this way of approaching your
past relationships. I know it’s hard, I really do, but hang in there – you’ll
make it through this, I promise!
So what qualities are
important to you in your partner?
Until
Next Time!
Xoxo
Fru Fru Shru
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